After Sharing Summer Stories
You told me about
the blanket you
and your sister
would take outside
with you both
in the summer
to lay on
and watch
the clouds pass
overhead
and now I want
to write about
that blanket so badly
tho I've never seen it
and I have no idea
what color it was
or how it felt
against the
back of one's neck
as a pillar of white
fluff changes
discreetly into
a pony
but I close my eyes
and I see you
the woman I love
lying there as a child
laughing with your
sibling
and I know at once
that the blanket
felt like comfort
and smelled
like home.
The Buffalo Poem
I grasped the horns
but had no idea
how to steer it
best to just let it
wander away
on its own
his shaggy back
making me stagger
because he bumps me
while he turns
to go
I wanted to ask
why the deserts
crack under the
weight of thirst
and how many
layers of loss
it felt capable
of carrying
but it just
wandered away
like they are all
born to do.
... here in North Carolina there's a spot in Jay's backyard to the side of the house where little grass grows and it's mostly dusty and rocky... it's usually where I like to stand when I'm out with the dogs, especially in the afternoon and evening, because that area is all sunlit and warm... I crouch down as I watch the dogs run, but the whole area actually takes me back to New Jersey and when I was a little boy and I'd go to church with my mother and grandmother on Wednesday nights for Prayer Meeting... now, the word "meeting" is a boring word to any child - you can almost hear the droning of voices in the background when you say the word - so my mother would often let me stay outside the church in the warmer months and play on the grounds... this was a small church, could barely have held 100 people, it was a little one-story white building with the pastor's house beside it, and it all sat on the end of a street next to the parking lot of our local strip mall... and usually I settled on playing in the parking lot, maybe with a few army men or other small toys, pretending the dust and stones were a desert or alien planet... I'd also watch and listen to the cars passing by on the main road, and I always noticed how deep and green the grass around the church looked in the setting sun... then I'd hunker down again to make piles of stones or grooves in the dirt for my soldiers to battle through... so I keep remembering those days when I'm out there now, watching the dogs stir up the dust as they run past me and listening to the tall grass at the back of the yard whisper in the wind... no soldiers in my hands now tho', just the one in my heart who keeps walking forward while also looking back...
... I'll have to write more about that church since it influence me in so many ways and I have so many great memories about that place from when I was in single digits... our pastor back then was a Mr. Glen Fisher and he was/is one of the men I've admired most in my life... I don't even know if he's still alive, since he left that old church while I was still young, but he did leave a strong mark on me about how a man should live and act... so I'll bookmark today's thoughts for a reminder to come back to them and share more...
... for now, the dogs' are calling me, and it's a cool summer morning...
Cusp
The first-quarter Moon
hanging in the blue
evening sky
reminds me of
your breast in
profile
the one that
remains
after the operation
took the other one,
for prevention's sake,
they said
and I am reminded
how horrible things
often grow
in beautiful places
tho' I say
none of this to you
as we sit together
in the backyard
after dinner
I simply write
my thoughts down
in the notebook
with a pencil
as you turn to me
in your lawn chair
to tell me
the rose bushes
out front
are being eaten whole
by beetles.
The Feud
The porch light of 2214 Mapes Drive
whispers across to the one beside the
front door of 2213 all night long
their white voices meeting
and mingling softly
somewhere in the middle
of the street
where the faded
yellow line
moderates any discussions
too heated to ever
be resolved in the span
of time between dusk
and dawn
and it is decided
before they are both
turned off for the day
that sometimes friends
should just agree to
disagree
until they meet again.
Onstage at Southbrook Church, Monroe, NC... with my PRS in hand...
... long blog entry tonight, so get a drink, and settle in... ready?...
... ok, the big event of Sunda was playing lead/rhythm guitar in Danielle's band at Southbrook Church... this is the church I went to with them on my first weekend in North Carolina, and if anyone had told me then that in one month I'd be playing on stage and WITH a PRS guitar, I'd have laughed... yet that's where I was today, so... backstory...
... Danielle has wanted me to be in the band for some time now, and I was resistant, not for any religious reasons but more for personal fear ones... I get very nervous over playing in public, tho once I get up there and do it I do relax... it's just the getting to that point that is the pain... but she had asked me if I would but only when I felt ready... now, last week, when I got the PRS guitar, I really felt it came into my hands for more reason than just so I would have a guitar of my own to play... so the idea was already in my mind when Danielle's regular lead guitarist was out and another new one was in, tho' Danielle worried he was a little new to playing still... so, this past Thursday I went to the rehearsal at the church with my guitar in the back of Danielle's van, with the official reason being so that I could show John any guitar parts he might need help with, as I usually help Danielle with the arranging and figuring out some of the songs they will be playing for service... but Danielle mentioned to the soundman, Alan, that she had wanted me to play, and Alan came over to me and said basically, "Go get yer guitar and get up there, and I'll set you up soundwise"... so there I found myself rehearsing with the band and hoping I was familiar enough with the songs not to make a fool of myself...
... but the rehearsal went well, and I was set for Sunday for the real show...
... jump ahead now to this morning, and up with the sun to pack and let the first waves of fear and panic hit me, lol... I think I drove Danielle a little nuts on the ride to church, as I know she was dealing with her own pre-service nerves... the breaking point came tho when she put the CD of the songs we were performing into the car's CD player, and I asked her why it sounded so much clearer than when we were rehearsing in the garage at home?... and she said, well it's a lousy CD player in the garage, and I said, but OMG, I'm hearing guitar parts I couldn't hear clearly before, things I should I have been more prepared to play... Danielle thought this was a bad thing and that I was going to have a real freakout, but I told her, No, no, this is good, it will get my mind on the music more than the nerves...
... the short run thru the set before service went well, and I was nursing a Starbuck's ice tea and blueberry muffin so I'd have something to keep me running... then before I knew it, it was time to play... the first song went well, and then the minister did a child dedication ceremony before we finished the next three songs in the list... then there was a fifth special song that Jon, Danielle and I did alone during a special offering for the church (they're trying to raise money to create a bigger room for Sunday school services)... that song was a little tough because even tho it was slow, it had to be very cleanly picked and I was using such a light touch on the strings and pick I thought I'd drop my pick... but, made it thru it, the band did awesome and Danielle really shone despite fighting an allergy head cold that was really giving her bad throat problems...
... so now that I made it through the first time up there I'm sure the next time will be easier... this was tougher to me than the open mic night just because it was more serious of a setting, but it was fun to do... and yes, the PRS did look and sound sweet up there, and sitting in the audience for the service I must confess to staring at it more than once... after the sermon, we played one repeat song from the set as the people filed out, and then it was packup time and go home...
... there are pictures of the show, thanks to Jay, and also a video of the whole thing, which once I figure out how to get it on YouTube, I'll post the link here for anyone who wants to go see it... the sound isn't the best as Jay had their small camera in hand, but I think it still turned out damn good...
... also, Saturday, June 6th was a kind of anniversary for me... it was one year ago that I left the bakery back in Cherry Hill... after 11 years of mostly hell and little pay and horrible Christmas seasons... it's been some year since that day, and the story is all laid out in the pages of this blog... but it just amazes me that I went from there, to here in North Carolina and playing guitar again... between the hand problems I was having and then selling my guitars, I really thought I'd never be playing again... but I guess I'm not done with music yet...
On Attending the Kindergarten Graduation of My Best Friend's Son
It's been so long
since I set foot
in an elementary school
that the dresses my mother wore
in the 70's
are now back in style,
the sleeveless silky ones
that fall just above the knees
in bright floral patterns, or
checks and stripes, or
houndstooth,
even the hairband
the tall blonde mother of two
is wearing as she checks
her camera for batteries
is just like the one
my own mother wore
in her long, black hair
when she would drop me
at school,
and as I fall back
to let the young parents
around me move forward
to snap pictures
of their smiling children
as they file
into the gymnasium
and up to the stage
to begin their graduation
show
I feel myself shrinking,
the basketball hoop
above my chair drifting
off to the ceiling,
the mats on the floor
just like the ones that I
learned to tumble on,
and that impossible rope
hanging from the rafters
that I was so scared of
until the one time I finally
beat it and made it to
the top,
and I am
5 years old again,
hearing my mother's
sweet voice echoing
off the cinderblock walls
and high glass windows,
weaving its way over
the sing-sing choir
of small faces
nervously eyeing
the first crowd
they'll ever face,
I am proud of you, son,
so very, very proud.
(... today was the kindergarten graduation for Jay and Danielle's son, Connor, and I of course went along to cheer him on... and the setting brought back so many memories and thoughts, I knew a poem was percolating inside...)
... last night was open mic night at the little coffee shop nearby... and yes, we went and yes, I sang alone in front of people... something I never imagined doing... if a few years back someone would have told me, You'll be in North Carolina and singing alone at a coffee shop, I'd have laughed in their face...
... Jay, Danielle and I put in some practice time too during the past week... so we actually had a nice little set put together by Thursday... we opened with "Mama I'm Coming Home" by Ozzy Osbourne, with Jay on electric guitar (his shiny Les Paul and Marshall amp, well cranked!), me on acoustic and Danielle singing... and we rocked it... usually, during most act on open mic night, customers come and go, get their coffee or ice creams and leave... but I have to say when we started playing, people took seats and benches and stayed... so our first song we great, and Jay ripped the solo and the whole thing sounded perfect... then the three of us did "Spoke in the Wheel" by Black Label Society, and again Jay was spot on with the fills and solos, while I did rhythm and Dani sang... I don't think the people there ever heard anything like it before, and Jay got a big round of applause...
... then I backed Danielle for her set... we started with "Standing Still" by Jewel, which Dani sings very well, and it's a good strumming song for me to loosen up with too... then we did "If You Were A Sailboat" by Katie Melua, a favorite song of mine, but very soft and sometimes the coffee grinders were muting the softer parts of the song... but we made it thru and did a good job, tho later we decided we'll have to watch doing songs that are too soft... next up was "Constant Craving" by kd lang, and this was my first little bit of singing in public, as I backed Dani on the choruses... but the piece de resistance was our last song together, "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree"... we first got everyone clapping, and then when I started the guitar they recognized the song... this was our best song of the set, cause we got everyone into it... and I was beating the hell out of the guitar, cause I wanted the chorus to be heavy and to really sound out, and the other guitarist and Jay thought I was going to bust strings for sure, heck, I thought I was going to bust strings, cause that was my intention, to make it loud and heavy at any cost... and Dani belted it out perfectly, so we were feeding off each other for that song... then we pulled out "Dust In The Wind", which I was kind of messy on, as it was hard to come down from the energy of "Black Horse..." to this mellow song, hehe, but we got thru it and I think we could do it better next time...
... so we began to step down, and people were saying, That's it?... and Dani said to me, Well, we could do some of the songs we dont really have worked up yet, OR, you can sing... and I was still unsure at this point, but I said alright, and sat back down... and I did "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley, which I think I do a pretty decent job of... and the nerves sure helped my vibrato in my voice, lol... I didn't know at the time, but the guy who runs the open mic night said to Danielle that I should do stuff like this more, that I was good... I got nice applause after this song, and they wanted more, so I did "If You Could Read My Mind" by Gordon Lightfoot, which I did alright with, I think it needs work... then I did "Coconut Grove", and then I was pretty much done, hehe... so we got everyone back up for a little blues jam to close the night...
... I'm still surprised I did it, that I sang alone in front of people... all my years in bands, it was easy cause I was in the background, I just had to play my guitar, I never envied being the frontperson... so this was really something for me to overcome, and I think I did well... put it this way, I plan on going back and doing it again... I'm already thinking of songs I think I can pull off... there are some pics of the night, and when I can get to them I'll post what I can...
Equally Open Mic Night
What they really want
here is just a little
passion
like
strumming the D-major
chord in "Margaritaville"
with a little flourish
or adding a touch
of vibrato to your
already shaky voice
on the chorus of
"Coconut Grove";
under soft lights,
beside round tables,
children eating
ice cream cones
and cake,
the scent of
coffee fills the air
as loud as
the applause
and it is so
wonderful
that anyone
here
can be
beautiful
with just a song
